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6-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: A woman walks past a bush. A voice whispers, "Hey, Pssst." Panel 2: The bush asks, "What's your blood type?" Panel 3: She answers, "A positive. Why?" Panel 4: The bush recoils in disgust. "Bleurch! Just walk away." Panel 5: The woman crosses her arms. "I want to know why!" Panel 6: A vampire emerges from the bush, furious. "I said walk, you tasteless pig."

Imagine an alternate universe where we couldn’t make comics and be forced to get a real job!

Trains would be crashing, pots would be exploding, and our patient would be flatlining on the operating table while we tested out our latest jokes on the OR staff.

By joining our Patreon you enable us to do what we do best: making you laugh week for week, come rain or shine, with our comics. Your support means we don’t have to get a real job, which saves hundreds – nay – thousands of lives each week. Amazing!

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5-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: A man wearing a fedora watches TV. The screen says, "Hey, you at home!" Panel 2: The TV ad continues: "Are you being held captive by a group of raccoons and forced to play in their free-jazz band?" with a call-now number. Panel 3: The man picks up his phone and dials. Panel 4: A raccoon hand zips the TV off with a remote. Panel 5: The man sits surrounded by raccoons in a messy room. One hands him a bass. A raccoon says, "Back to trombonin' Mike." Mike gulps.

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4-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: A smiling man strolls into the office with a briefcase and calls out, "Morning, Barb!" Panel 2: A woman at her computer answers flatly, "Morning, Carl." Panel 3: She frowns and wonders to herself, "Why is he always in such a good mood?" Panel 4: The man walks off with a wide, blissful smile, thinking, "I hate it at home."

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5-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: A witch carries her worn-out broom into "Ye Ol' Broom Shoppe," where a green, fanged witch clerk remarks, "That thing's got a lotta mileage." Panel 2: The witch explains, "Yeah, my girlfriend and I went to Transylvania to meet her folks." Panel 3: The clerk grins, "Oh, got yourself a vampire girlie, huh?" Panel 4: The witch asks, "You think we could put a padded seat in the back or something?" Panel 5: The witch flies through the clouds on her broom, which now has a cozy padded canopy seat on the back where her vampire girlfriend lounges comfortably, reading.

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4-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: An industrial building with a glowing sign reads "Dams Inc.," smokestacks puffing behind it. Panel 2: A hugely muscular beaver kicks open the CEO's office door, flexing, and shouts, "Time for sweet payback!" as the startled boss yelps, "Ah!" Panel 3: The buff beaver grabs the terrified executive, cackling "Muahahaha" and declaring, "You like being spanked, Mr. Big Dam!" Panel 4: The scene cuts to a bedroom, where the sweating man lies awake beside his wife, who sighs, "Oh, honey, was it Buff Beaver again?"

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7-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: A couple relaxes in a wooden hot tub when a "Plopp" rings out; the man asks the woman, "W-was that you?" Panel 2: She says, "What? No... someone must've..." as a small turd bobs in the water. Panel 3: Cut to a cheerful salesman in an infomercial: "Welcome to Turd in a Pool. Our service is simple," beside the number 1-800-TURD-IN-A-POOL. Panel 4: He explains, "We will discreetly place a turd in a pool." Panel 5: "Why, you ask? Why not?!" Panel 6: Pointing at the camera, he adds, "Don't ask how we do it. Just call our toll-free number and say Turd Now!" Panel 7: A branded Turd-in-a-Pool helicopter hovers over a house, lowering an operative on a cable to complete the job.

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4-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: In an antique shop, a shopkeeper shows a customer a tall standing mirror and says, "This is our rarest piece: a magic mirror." Panel 2: He explains, "It reveals your deepest desire when you stand before it." Panel 3: In the mirror, a giant grinning worm creature coils around the blushing, sweating customer and coos, "Who's a naughty boy!" Panel 4: The unfazed shopkeeper reassures him, "Don't worry... most people see the worm."

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5-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: A tick stands at a podium like a spokesperson and says, "I think I speak for all ticks when I say: we get a bad rap." Panel 2: It complains, "It's always: Oh no, a tick! I got sick from that tick!" Panel 3: A glamorous butterfly with flowing blonde hair sits in the audience and asks, "Why don't you just fly around and look beautiful?" Panel 4: The tick stares back, deadpan. Panel 5: It replies, "Yeah, no. That sounds boring. We're gonna keep doin' that other stuff."

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4-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: A waiter carries a martini on a tray toward a green car seated at a bar table and clears his throat, "Ahem..." Panel 2: He offers the drink, "This is from the gentleman at the bar." Panel 3: A hypnotised-looking deer sits at the bar nursing a glass of wine. Panel 4: The car's headlight-eyes droop wearily as it groans, "Not again."

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7-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: Officer McSexy struts past the door with an exaggeratedly large behind. A police chief calls, "McSexy, get in here." Panel 2: McSexy enters the office. The chief says, "That BBL is against department policy." Panel 3: The chief asks, "How you gonna catch perps with a behind that big?" Panel 4: McSexy replies, "Chief, I got a secret weapon up my sleeve." Panel 5: McSexy looks over his shoulder, grinning. "Or should I say…" Panel 6: He turns around, revealing a concealed weapon between the cheeks. "Up my cheeks!" POW POW. Panel 7: The chief stands amid the destruction, impressed. "McSexy! You beautiful fool!"