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6-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: A woman walks past a bush. A voice whispers, "Hey, Pssst." Panel 2: The bush asks, "What's your blood type?" Panel 3: She answers, "A positive. Why?" Panel 4: The bush recoils in disgust. "Bleurch! Just walk away." Panel 5: The woman crosses her arms. "I want to know why!" Panel 6: A vampire emerges from the bush, furious. "I said walk, you tasteless pig."

Imagine an alternate universe where we couldn’t make comics and be forced to get a real job!

Trains would be crashing, pots would be exploding, and our patient would be flatlining on the operating table while we tested out our latest jokes on the OR staff.

By joining our Patreon you enable us to do what we do best: making you laugh week for week, come rain or shine, with our comics. Your support means we don’t have to get a real job, which saves hundreds – nay – thousands of lives each week. Amazing!

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Hurra!

Exactly 15 years ago (almost to the hour) our little website blinked online, as a quiet corner of the internet where we could offload the ideas that needed a home.

And the ideas, then as now, tend to arrive on their own schedule: a 3 a.m. jolt of nameless dread, a frantic scribble on the back of whatever happens to be on the nightstand, and then (mercifully) a chuckle in the dark before smilingly fainting back to sleep.

A Long Form of Patience

People sometimes ask how two people built a readership in the millions out of stories this absurd, horny and occasionally (fine, regularly) cringeworthy. We wish we had something better to say but it’s mainly just patience. Not the passive kind of sitting around waiting to be discovered. The unglamorous, slightly stubborn seriousness of treating the artist’s life like a 9-to-5. Showing up. Every single day. Doing the work badly until it eventually gets good.

 

These dumb little stories are the whole thing for us, they’re everything. And the fact that there are real human beings out there who decide, of their own free will, that the stories are worth a few seconds of their attention is, with no exaggeration, the best thing that has ever happened to us.

None of it works without someone on the other end actually reading. So yes, here we go again, thank you to everyone on Patreon who keeps showing up too, who has our back even in the weeks when we are, let’s be honest, a little mediocre. You are the best.

Here’s to fifteen more. Prost 🍻

PS: We promise to work on our jumping photos.

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5-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: A man wearing a fedora watches TV. The screen says, "Hey, you at home!" Panel 2: The TV ad continues: "Are you being held captive by a group of raccoons and forced to play in their free-jazz band?" with a call-now number. Panel 3: The man picks up his phone and dials. Panel 4: A raccoon hand zips the TV off with a remote. Panel 5: The man sits surrounded by raccoons in a messy room. One hands him a bass. A raccoon says, "Back to trombonin' Mike." Mike gulps.

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4-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: A smiling man strolls into the office with a briefcase and calls out, "Morning, Barb!" Panel 2: A woman at her computer answers flatly, "Morning, Carl." Panel 3: She frowns and wonders to herself, "Why is he always in such a good mood?" Panel 4: The man walks off with a wide, blissful smile, thinking, "I hate it at home."

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5-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: A witch carries her worn-out broom into "Ye Ol' Broom Shoppe," where a green, fanged witch clerk remarks, "That thing's got a lotta mileage." Panel 2: The witch explains, "Yeah, my girlfriend and I went to Transylvania to meet her folks." Panel 3: The clerk grins, "Oh, got yourself a vampire girlie, huh?" Panel 4: The witch asks, "You think we could put a padded seat in the back or something?" Panel 5: The witch flies through the clouds on her broom, which now has a cozy padded canopy seat on the back where her vampire girlfriend lounges comfortably, reading.

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4-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: An industrial building with a glowing sign reads "Dams Inc.," smokestacks puffing behind it. Panel 2: A hugely muscular beaver kicks open the CEO's office door, flexing, and shouts, "Time for sweet payback!" as the startled boss yelps, "Ah!" Panel 3: The buff beaver grabs the terrified executive, cackling "Muahahaha" and declaring, "You like being spanked, Mr. Big Dam!" Panel 4: The scene cuts to a bedroom, where the sweating man lies awake beside his wife, who sighs, "Oh, honey, was it Buff Beaver again?"

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7-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: A couple relaxes in a wooden hot tub when a "Plopp" rings out; the man asks the woman, "W-was that you?" Panel 2: She says, "What? No... someone must've..." as a small turd bobs in the water. Panel 3: Cut to a cheerful salesman in an infomercial: "Welcome to Turd in a Pool. Our service is simple," beside the number 1-800-TURD-IN-A-POOL. Panel 4: He explains, "We will discreetly place a turd in a pool." Panel 5: "Why, you ask? Why not?!" Panel 6: Pointing at the camera, he adds, "Don't ask how we do it. Just call our toll-free number and say Turd Now!" Panel 7: A branded Turd-in-a-Pool helicopter hovers over a house, lowering an operative on a cable to complete the job.

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A whimsical illustration of a large red spider with long, thin arching legs and big round white eyes, hunched over an open book on the grass. The spider is intently reading a chapter; the book's page reads "How to befriend a fly" and shows a small sketch of a fly alongside lines of text. Two pale blue crayon-drawn clouds float in the sky above.

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Two-panel meme: Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars, hooded and drained, labeled "People who silently just read the comics for years" / "I'm too weak." Below, the same character crackling with blue lightning, shouting "Unlimited Power!" labeled "Patreon Supporters."

 

We know you like the comics or you wouldn’t be here. We tackle life’s big questions: Why are we here? Where do we come from? And why do worms make us so horny?

To be honest: Life as an artist is less glamorous than many people imagine. From the outside, it looks almost exactly like a regular office job (minus the coworkers and the free coffee). But there’s a key difference: We don’t just have one single boss, we have many! Our Patreon supporters are the generous engine that decides whether and how much we get paid.

If you’d like to be one of our bosses, head over to Patreon and help keep this silly little world alive.

Patreon

PS: If money’s tight right now: seriously, no worries. The comics stay free, no strings. We’re glad you’re here and paying attention, which is its own quiet kind of support.

 

 

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4-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: In an antique shop, a shopkeeper shows a customer a tall standing mirror and says, "This is our rarest piece: a magic mirror." Panel 2: He explains, "It reveals your deepest desire when you stand before it." Panel 3: In the mirror, a giant grinning worm creature coils around the blushing, sweating customer and coos, "Who's a naughty boy!" Panel 4: The unfazed shopkeeper reassures him, "Don't worry... most people see the worm."