Everyone is looking for the fountain of youth–but dare we say, we probably found it.

It’s a fact, that laughter extends your life. Nothing rejuvenates the mind, body, and soul like a good chuckle. And we mean that whole-hearted laughter that comes from actual human-made art, not whatever algorithm-generated slop is currently clogging your feed like arterial plaque.

Now, here’s our proposition: You get the ultimate longevity hack, the key to an endless stream of funny stuff, and we get to make a living.

Our supporters on Patreon are already in on it. They’re not just getting bonus comics, early access, and downloadable art – though they are getting those things. No, what they’re really getting is more life.

Think about it. Every comic you see before the general public is another laugh you get ahead of the mortality curve. You’re literally time-traveling into a funnier, longer future. The rest of the world is brain-rotting away while you’re chuckling at Sunday’s comic on a Friday like some dashing Doc Brown.

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A Funnier, Longer Life

If you want to take your hack to the next level, you can sign up for an actual physical love letter. In the mail. Remember mail? That thing that used to bring us things other than bills and ads?

This love letter arrives filled with a holographic sticker, a surprise item from the exclusive subscriber vault of wonders (cartoon magnets that will hold your nephew’s drawing to your fridge way better than those real estate agent freebies; bumper stickers that might cause a pile-up on the freeway; key chains that will hold your keys while also broadcasting your artistic taste), sealed with actual love and confetti.

When was the last time you opened your mail and confetti fell onto your driveway? When was the last time anything in your life involved confetti that wasn’t shredding financial documents before your shady boss’s tax audit. This confetti celebrates your longer life.

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Don’t Die

The science is unimpeachable: human-made art makes you laugh, laughter releases endorphins, endorphins are basically tiny maintenance workers repairing your insides, and boom: you’ve just extended your warranty.

And unlike those sketchy supplement companies or that one guy in Yoga class who won’t shut up about intermittent fasting, we’re offering you a path to longevity that involves more laughter, not less food.

So really becoming a Patreon supporter isn’t just supporting an artist. It’s an investment in your own continued existence. Your move, mortal.

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